Honeymoon

There are few things that change your life quite like a lover. It’s as if everything about your life, full of a career, friends, plans and dreams satisfies and then your lover comes along, and everything gets shuffled around. Our Lover meets awakens us to areas of ourselves that we never knew existed, and we want that perspective forever. We want it to be committed to us.

I remember having a conversation with a good friend of mine who has been married for a few years. He said that before he was married, he assumed that something would happen up at the front of the church, while saying his vows in front of all of those people that would somehow magically change him. But the reality is that it’s a moment just like anything else, full of words, emotions, and commitment. Nothing magical happens at all. The day is just a day, and it flies by. But so does every great experience. Every vacation, game, or hang out with friends eventually ends. But the commitment of his marriage was made, and must be invested in every day in order to grow. An effort must be made to learn and understand tendencies and preferences and a choice will be made to embrace the Lover or walk away.

It’s rare to see people who have been married for a long time and still seem genuinely “in love” with one another. I wonder if there is a moment where most couples just decide that the relationship is not worth the arguments, disagreements, selflessness and sacrifice. I bet the “unhappy” couples didn’t look that way on their wedding day. They were probably so full of happiness and emotion. So why let the issues and differences win? Every married couple has made a commitment to one another. A strong commitment,“till death do us part”.

I am currently in Hawaii. My wife and I spent the past week on the island of Kauai and if you ever get the chance to go there, you must. It is one of the most naturally beautiful places I’ve ever seen on this earth. We are now on the “Big Island” of Hawaii for two more weeks connecting with a University. The University is a community of students from around the globe who have come to study with other Christians and grow in their understanding of God. Part of their education is a three month trip to another country where they focus on social justice issues and missions. Our goal is to train and develop some of the teams and leaders for their service projects at the end of the semester.

In 200 I attended a similar program in England. It was my first big adventure on my own, living in a Castle with 170 students from around the world. The year was full of fun, challenge, and relational growth. I felt so connected to my community there, and to God. But the year ended, and it was back to the Midwest, and on with life, alone. The experience was gone, and I was depressed. It was hard to find happiness, and even harder to connect with God. The “honeymoon” of my experience was over.

I often think about the students who attend these programs, embracing the deeply emotional side of the experience, only to be left feeling unhappy and alone when it’s all over. I hear stories of these sad, and alone individuals all the time. People who “felt so close to God” and were “on fire” and now are just “questioning everything” because God feels “distant”. Couples who has been married for a long time will tell you that the happiness of the honeymoon wears off too, but you learn to find happiness through commitment. But what does commitment look like with marriage, or God, or with anything? When we are all alone God is still God, and He is still good even when we don’t feel it. We can learn a lot from people who are divorced, or still married. It’s that we can always find someone to support our perspective. If we want out of the relationship, we can find someone to help us justify our decision. And if we want to honor our decision to commit, we can find the people to support us as we work through rough patches where it doesn’t “feel” the way we would hope.

The students here at the university are full of passion and excitement as they sit and learn in an environment surrounded by those who love and support them. The community is often referred to as a “true community”, since it makes it feel like a honeymoon of sorts. But eventually the students will leave here, and the honeymoon of happiness will end. They will either embrace the world with their newly ignited relationship, and fight through the tension, or they will throw in the towel and give up because they don’t “feel” like they used too. But true feelings are not always truth. I can feel that someone doesn’t love me, but it’s an assumption on my behalf. It doesn’t mean it’s truth. God loves us, fights for us, and commits to us, even when we don’t feel it. Because the truth is that God will never leave us. His Love never fails. We must find community that encourages our relationship with the Lover. Cause we were never meant to go through this life alone. That doesn’t mean everyone should be married, or only live in Christ centered community all the time. We were meant to live in the tension.

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